Questions.

[sister_luck]

Why is it so difficult to talk about this? What does this reluctance to share mean? Is it just denial, so that by keeping quiet, I can pretend it hasn't happened? Is it because I blame myself? I don't think so, because while the fault lies with me, it's not something I have control over. Is it just an excuse that I don't want to burden others with my pain? Do I make it even bigger by thinking telling others would be placing a burden on them? Do I expect people to ask me what's going on? Do people think that I will talk about it when I'm ready? Is it reluctance to ask for help? Is it reluctance to look deep into my psyche and my past because I know once I really start dealing with this I'll open the floodgates and I'll have to confront my deepest fears? I know that I'm not alone with this in a general way, but even telling others won't negate the fact that ultimately I'm the one who has to deal with this and while there are people who can help me I have to make the first step.

Comments

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

Good questions. No you aren't alone with this.

I can't say I'm an expert, actually I only know how I work and that when it comes to serious and really specific matter I tend to avoid telling people. As long as it's general ideas and abstract stuff even about topics that touch me, I don't mind writing and sharing (which is exactly what I am doing now), even though I know that such things can reveal a lot about me and be even more personal than RL information.

Perhaps it means that we can project ideas and discuss personal stuff but are reluctant to talk about things as they are happening or when we're still dealing with the aftermath. It's all about feeling then which might be way too intimate to be shared, indecent maybe, even with people who are close to us.

The words often come later, and then help us to move on, to go past the pain. I believe it's quite normal.

But of course we all have to take the next step and word things out if we don't want to be stuck in the feelings, you know like Lot's wife.

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

That bit about Lot's wife that you quoted from The Lost really touched a nerve. I believe that tears are important, they're an integral step on the way to recovery, but they need to be transformed into words at some point.

I'm feeling much better for having posted, but at the same time, I needed today to work up the nerve and to think out all the thoughts in my three posts. Interestingly enough, the oldest and first post is the one with all the details, but I needed two more general posts to be able to post the first one.

[frances-lievens.livejournal.com]

*hugs you close*

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

Thank you and hugs back.