Questions.

[sister_luck]

Why is it so difficult to talk about this? What does this reluctance to share mean? Is it just denial, so that by keeping quiet, I can pretend it hasn't happened? Is it because I blame myself? I don't think so, because while the fault lies with me, it's not something I have control over. Is it just an excuse that I don't want to burden others with my pain? Do I make it even bigger by thinking telling others would be placing a burden on them? Do I expect people to ask me what's going on? Do people think that I will talk about it when I'm ready? Is it reluctance to ask for help? Is it reluctance to look deep into my psyche and my past because I know once I really start dealing with this I'll open the floodgates and I'll have to confront my deepest fears? I know that I'm not alone with this in a general way, but even telling others won't negate the fact that ultimately I'm the one who has to deal with this and while there are people who can help me I have to make the first step.