Confessional III

[sister_luck]

I've got two private posts up. I wrote both today. They were semi-public for less than fifteen minutes and then I chickened out and removed them again.

Do I want this blog to be some sort of confessional with much too much personal information?

I wouldn't worry about this if I had any real life friends I could share this with. I feel utterly isolated. On the other hand, there are a couple of people that I could call and they would listen and would offer kind words. People who have offered me their friendship. Maybe I'm so reluctant because for the last couple of years I haven't let anyone in real life get close to me and allowed them to share their woes with me?

Will I keep this post private or will this turn out semi-public? And am I only doing this so that people say "Tell me", so I don't feel like I've ruined their day by heaping my shit on them?

I think the last time I felt like this was when the situation with my colleague who lusted after the little girls spiralled out of control. It was the same time of the year and those summer holidays were terrible. I isolated myself completely. The lesson probably is that I shouldn't have done that and so, to show that I've learned the lesson, I should be open now about what's going on. It's difficult because I don't want to admit the helplessness.

Okay, sharing and admitting problems is a sign of strength and bravery and not of weakness, right? I'll go and make all three posts semi-public now and you can choose if you want to get involved or if you want to keep away from this mess.

Comments

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

That "confessional" title makes me want to say "Ego te absolvo" which would be kind of silly from me...

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but isn't that what we want to hear when we confess things, whether inside or outside a church? We want someone to say: "It's not your fault and even if you messed up, you admitted it and it's okay now." Whether we believe in this in a religious sense or only see it as a reassuring gesture depends on the context.

Maybe it was a silly title for the post?

[gillo]

I have found my online friends of inestimable value in difficult times. They care, but aren't so close they are over-involved, so they can often offer a touch of objectivity.

Which is my way of saying I'm very much here if you want to share. FWIW I've had colleagues with child-protection issues too. Or email me if you'd rather - my user name at livejournal.com.

{{hugs}}

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the hugs and the kind offer.

[kazzy-cee.livejournal.com]

I agree with Gill - often someone who only knows us virtually says exactly the right thing as they base what to say on what you have written (which often isn't as emotionally painful as spoken words)

I did catch up with the previous posts, and yes - I had guessed it might be sad news again. The only thing I would suggest is that doctors can do amazing things these days and that procedures are far less invasive than they used to be, so recovery is much quicker, and you are still young so the outcome is far more likely to be good.

I'm so sorry this has happened again.

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much - and you're right, I've always grappled with difficult situations by writing about them, either in private journals or in letters, and now I do my writing online. I also find it easier to write about these things in my second language - I don't know why, but it helps me to put my thoughts into words better, because I have to choose my words more carefully and because the words don't rush out quite so fast.