Being open.

[sister_luck]

I've been thinking about livejournal and friendslocking.

Maybe you noticed, but lately, my entries have all been unlocked, even the one where I talked about my surgery. I've also unlocked a couple of entries about my failed pregnancies that were previously only available to my friendslist.

Partly, this is because a dear friend from far away knows about this blog and I wanted her to be able to read these posts - and all the other stuff, too, of course. I don't even know whether she has been following my livejournal - so far, she hasn't commented...

On the other hand, I wanted to be open about what was going on. People post about their happy personal news in unlocked posts, so why not do the same for the sad and difficult experiences? I doubt that there are many readers of this blog who aren't on my friendslist anyway, but at some point I made the decision that I'm fine with anyone reading what I share about myself here. I'm not going to give out information though that will make it easy to identify me and I'm trying to be careful with references to my job. At the same time, I'm well aware that should someone stumble across this blog who knows me personally, they'd recognize me.

Right now, this openness is an experiment.

But, and this is quite the dilemma, what does it mean for you? Commenting on an unlocked entry means that everyone is able to read what you wrote. You might have locked your journal, so that others don't have access to what's going on in your life. Leaving a comment on an unlocked entry means that whatever you say is out in the open and can be found by nosy people.

Will that make you reluctant? Would you say something different if you knew the readers were only a select few? Do you prefer to comment on locked posts/journals?

This is the unlocked post - there is a locked version available, too.

Comments

[distractogirl.livejournal.com]

I lock lots of my posts because I know that some of the things I might say may well cause more drama than leaving them unlocked would. I do say different things knowing that there are certain people who won't be able to see. I'm more comfortable talking about my personal problems with my father when I know that he won't be able to read them. It's a comfort to me to know that I can talk about things I need to without causing more chaos in my life.

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

Oh, I absolutely get that. I've got a couple of locked family posts, too. (I'm not saying I won't ever write a locked post again!)

On the other hand, even if you write a locked post to avoid drama, you can never be certain that it won't end up in the wrong hands. Sometimes, sensitive information is -inadvertently- shared.

[distractogirl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think that locked posts are very useful for family drama.

That is also very true - to be fair, even with the ability to lock if I think something is going to cause drama I tend to avoid talking about it.

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

A very sensible attitude!

[distractogirl.livejournal.com]

It's a good attitude to have towards anything. If something is going to cause drama and you know it, generally it's a good idea to avoid it.

Unfortunately some things have to be said and therefore you can never avoid drama. That's life, to a certain extent.

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a drama-free life doesn't exist. But drama on livejournal most of the times means a bigger audience than absolutely necessary.

[distractogirl.livejournal.com]

So very true!

[frances-lievens.livejournal.com]

Same words, correct post. ;-)

Well, you know my LJ is as unlocked as possible. Like you I share a lot with the world, and would someone stumble over it, they'd recognise me. But it's almost impossible to find out who's behind this if you don't know me -- you'd have to be a good computer-whizz I guess.

I feel comfortable with writing unlocked, because it make me vigilant: I'm not allowed to rant, to disclose personal information of others, to make myself known. But I should also look for a personal voice. I have noticed this attitude gave me some readers that aren't on my friendslist, but follow my LJ nonetheless, and I'm happy with those.

(What I do lock are picture posts with my face or other things that would disclose who I am, but I want to share with certain friends.)

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

I like what you say about vigilance - posting unlocked doesn't mean that one shares absolutely everything. The decision what to leave out happens before writing.

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

I don't have to lock posts, it's the other way round. I think I changed the settings two years ago – and of course I forgot how I did it– when we created the Big Failure (salon virtuel)so my LJ is f-locked. It had mostly become a place to share "secrets" (that is personal stuff)and fandom stuff with my virtual friends so it made sense to keep it friends-only.

I don't always think of unlocking posts that are rather blog-like, like reviews on tv shows or film reviews. I guess it's one of the reasons I started that blog you know about.

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

But how do you feel about commenting on unlocked posts?

Because I've come to realize that people might share information and 'personal stuff' in an unlocked comment that they would never post on their blog.

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

I guess it's true. There are things that I probably would not post about on my LJ but might tell in a conversation on someone's else journal.

But in that case I don't mind whether the journal in question is locked or unlocked. I'm very aware that chatting on LJ isn't the same as chatting on the phone(remember that I don't own a mobile phone, so when I mention a phone chat I mean something private not a conversation one forces on everybody around!) or in a private room where nobody else could hear you, so I wouldn't say anything that should only remain between the other person and me, anything that I wouldn't feel confortable with being heard by a larger audience. I tend to think before I type...well, most of the time.

Some flist are really big and filled with loads strangers whom I don't necessarily want to share my business with, and even smaller flists are filled with people I didn't choose, and even MY flist is made of Internet acquaintances that aren't all my friends, so honestly to me there's no difference between a f-locked journal and an unflocked journal. There are things that I wouldn't talk about on LJ, period.

Emails remain the best way to share intimate stuff, unless you're a bit of an exhibitionist...which we are all to some extent!

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

Very sensible words.

[rahirah]

I don't think I've ever locked an entry - if there's something so private that I wouldn't want a passing stranger to read it, then I wouldn't post it on the internet at all, because experience has taught me that nothing on the net is truly private.

[sister-luck.livejournal.com]

Again, a sensible voice. (My friendlist seems to be made up of people who value their privacy and think before they post.)

I do have a couple of locked entries - I wouldn't mind a stranger reading them, but I don't want them to be read by some people known to me. The likelihood of them finding them is miniscule, but better safe than sorry. Also, I tend to lock posts for the privacy of the people I might be talking about.