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sister_luckThe scared little girl part of me is still huddling in the corner, but I'm doing my best to comfort her.
It helps that I've banished that other relentlessly negative voice, the one that kept telling me that I was worthless and a failure. (Not an actual voice, mind you! It wasn't that bad.) The one who didn't want to see the blue skies and only felt the cold. The one that found fault in everything.
Someone held up a mirror to me, figuratively speaking, and I realized that this voice, especially on the occasions that it made itself known to those around me, only managed to further dampen the mood. That it puts those around me in an impossible position, because how do you respond to someone who keeps - sometimes mock-serious - painting everything in the darkest colours? If you tell someone that they're wrong about these things, they don't feel better, but, well, wrong. And that exacerbates the negativity. After a while, it turns out to be contagious. And it becomes a spiral.
So, no more putting myself down. Even when I drop the salad bowl with left-over lettuce on the floor. Hey, the bowl didn't break and it doesn't mean that I'm a stupid and bad person. Just a little distracted at that particular moment.
It helps that I've banished that other relentlessly negative voice, the one that kept telling me that I was worthless and a failure. (Not an actual voice, mind you! It wasn't that bad.) The one who didn't want to see the blue skies and only felt the cold. The one that found fault in everything.
Someone held up a mirror to me, figuratively speaking, and I realized that this voice, especially on the occasions that it made itself known to those around me, only managed to further dampen the mood. That it puts those around me in an impossible position, because how do you respond to someone who keeps - sometimes mock-serious - painting everything in the darkest colours? If you tell someone that they're wrong about these things, they don't feel better, but, well, wrong. And that exacerbates the negativity. After a while, it turns out to be contagious. And it becomes a spiral.
So, no more putting myself down. Even when I drop the salad bowl with left-over lettuce on the floor. Hey, the bowl didn't break and it doesn't mean that I'm a stupid and bad person. Just a little distracted at that particular moment.
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no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 06:21 pm (UTC)Hey maybe that lettuce was actually evil and another little voice in your head was there to save you and made you drop the bowl?
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 06:57 pm (UTC)Thanks.
Lettuce wasn't evil, the chopping boards were - there were too smaller chopping boards under the bigger one and when I put the bowl on the bigger one while looking elsewhere, the bowl of course toppled over...
no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 07:00 pm (UTC)Gah, another temporary absence of my usually great spelling skills: There were two smaller chopping boards!
no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 06:58 pm (UTC)Heee, thanks!
I'm not faulting myself or anyone really for listening to that negative voice. I think it lurks in everyone's basement. It's just that right now, I can send it back there where it can sulk in silence.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 07:06 pm (UTC)You are the best, and a wonderful friend etc. etc.
Just keep slaying those whispering demons.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 07:25 pm (UTC)You're amazing. You really are.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-20 02:43 pm (UTC)Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-20 02:44 pm (UTC)Thank you.